Do they feel you are the reason their son is not in Egypt taking care of them? Now days our men cant pick up anything more dangerous than a smartphone or playstation if he had to protect his family. Ok guys , what I have to say has almost nothing to to with the article, and I apologize.I was just wondering what should a single, unmarrigiable women do when the desires that Allah Swt have her takes over.like I am under the marrigiable age. of reaching you or your family or children. (2) The lady is trying to get her daughter married. Why is it always about how men are and how we shld respect them , when they never respect us they take Us women for granted . But now I have a better understanding of this I used to think that it was only my husband dat acts this but I now I have a better perceptive of things! The question is, how do his parents need support and why is getting married in Egypt going to fulfill that? First weeks were reat but now lot of times we argued really bad even fight. 7. But in the end i would say it doesnt mean thats the end of life. Well done. 1. to grant you what is desired by you Assalamu alaikum None of us see what you have to deal with or how much effort youve put into your relationship, but Allah sees it all and hell reward you accordingly inshaAllah. I could see some poor girl who is being abused reading that and validating herself and coming back for more. I agree with you 100% Kay. Allaah has caused men to be attracted to women, and women to be attracted to men, and this inclination sometimes results in haraam relationships such as zina, and sometimes it results in permissible relationships such as marriage. Another point is that actually polygamy can lift the burden of responsibility the woman have towards their husbands and gives her more freedom. arguments. Never! Showing us no tenderness or thoughtfulness, making us second best to your mum, your family, your mates. and the worst (halal) thing in marriage is divorce..correct me if im wrong anyone! Married more than one For men who want to carry out a second marriage, then this is permissible in Islam. So do not do this. Zakkiya http://www.muslimommy.com, What happens if he abuses you physically, insult you and your family every chance he gat, threaten divorce all the time, because of minor issues. Your words reminded me of my faults and short comings and that i have caused many of the problems in my marriage. Most of comments are pointing to second marriage and bla bla. If you are married only for treasure, then you are among the losers. If I would get to know about a special reward, things would be easier to accept. Jazakum Allah khayran. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) stated that if a man were to leave his home and see something of desire, he should go back to his wife and satiate it. May Allah grant us all taqwa and love and understanding of His deen. I am a white English revert sister, who was raised Catholic my whole life before coming to Islam, so I know I am fighting my ingrained culture when I feel instinctively against it. The woman may be ill and cannot meet her husband's sexual needs. He told me that his first wife knows that he is intending to marry again but that she is obviously not supportive of the idea and that he doesnt know what her reaction will be when he tells her that he had found someone. Even that Muslims brother had a couple of wives in Paris. WaAlaikumassalaam brother I completely understand what you are saying but number 4 is nothing to do with Islam. The hadith is not carte blanche for a man to come every night and request sex and then when refused hold this over her head. And if you read all the way through surat al-nisa youll come to the part where God basically says You will not be able to treat them(women) equally. I dont know what happened to the women and children. permissible manner. Good question. @asiangirl There is a hadith for that actually. How can he insult me by marrying another woman as if I am not good enough? Copyright 2010 - 2017 Pure Matrimony. She is praying istikhaarah about As far as the sex thing.the qaran does tell us this.hopefully our husbands are understanding and considerate of our feelings.but it is our obligation ..Overallthis article was very usefuland it helped me understand my husband a little moreas I am a revert from a western culture and my husband is north african.my biggest concern in our marriage has been that he doesnt talk and share with me as much I felt he should. For shame! One fills in what the other lacks. This quick list is for the Muslim sisters in my audience. Arabbi. This idea is put forward in the Quran where Allah says: Men are in charge of women by what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend from their wealth. I will never accept a second wife! A husband needs to pay attention to this, especially if you have two or more wives. And of course if a woman is not able, then its only logical she doesnt have to have intercourse, just think common sense, not everything has to be explained in detail for you. It will still hard for us before we get used to the Idea! Sure, I can fake respect. Masha Allah, Quite an informative and interactive forum. full, without reckoning I was devastated by his sudden death. However a woman is not the same level as the man as shes required to please him in whatever situation unless its a situation where she has no power to do anything about (i.e monthly periods). legitimate marriage contract between you and your husband, so who can The threat of a husband who can not be fair, Men who already have two wives, then he should be able to support them fairly. 1) Respect is earned. O Allah, this is my division in the case that I am capable of, so do not You reproach me in the case that You are capable, whereas I can not. Do not cherry pick what suits you, this is exactly the problem we Muslims are facing, cherry picking what suits us rather than taking Deen as a complete way of life. Going for Second Marriage: Do I Need Wifes Permission? If muslim women can accept these little tips and advices, then our marriages will be wonderful. And do not think this is going to be easy for the man, so much responsability. But for the couple who are in agreement with one another and understand one another and know that perhaps you have had a long day, your stressed about work, your worried about your childrens exams etcc..The husband should understand and in that regard the hadiths punishment does not apply. If You Nudge Him, He Can Be A Better Muslim Any how he got chance for quarring with me. I call that rape. sis i am so sorry that you are going through this : ( May Allah reward you for your strength and improve your situation ameen. Its so clear what is being ordained for us: monogamous marriage except in highly specific circumstances, such as those you mention, and always within the clear rules. I do not understand. What do you do when 13 years later you find yourself in the same position All because of the same women ??? Very few. Why is a man allowed to marry more than one wife in Islam? Though Islam permits man to have more than a wife, it stipulates that certain conditions are to be met in this regard, for Islams main focus is on building a stable marital life. that is part of a mans nature, whether he is Muslim or not. this second wife issue is not for fun as many men want to believe. WE HAVE BEEN STUDYING THIS SUBJECT ABOUT MORE THEN ONE WIFE. But this year, he told me many lies. 8. By practising islam most of the problems would be solved. They avoid disagreements and quarrels and leave the wife ignorant of their second marriage as if this marriage just belongs to the man and has nothing to do with the wife. I have a lot more to say but I feel I have said enough. on our wedding night my nri husband told me he is in love with another woman; : NRI - ' ' . Thank you!!! Am I guessing right to say he is not legal in your county ? Its ridiculous. To the person who wrote this artical.. Jazakallah khier. I have read it myself. Do keep him informed but only with the most important necessary details. You have the right to your happiness and to be treated with respect. sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, not even a Log in, Join our e-mail list for regular site news and updates, All Rights Reserved for Islam Q&A 1997-2023. Dont keep threatening him with words, you need to show you mean it and do it. She left her home,bears your name,married to you,people know her by your name,and till the end she would be known by your name,still you would doubt her being not loyal to you or obedient? Yes, your right. fallen into a trap of the shaytaan, because he has made you attractive to I want to marry and be in halal relationship but looks like men only looking for friendship with benefits. Sighhhh. as far as i know most of the man have one wife. I was thinking the same thing. Like, she still performs her duties and obeys/respects her husband, but it hurts her so much she even cries during intercourse with her husband as he did the same with another woman. I used to cook food for them I did everything a wife should be doing. So what ..its his right to do so 2,3 or 4. Brothers, dont blame your wives if you start having impure thoughts about other women. Thirdly, make active steps to change your life for the better and live in a way according to what Allah asks of you and this is better for you and your happiness. O ye who believe! Salam. I want to ask I got married 3 months back with a man whom I hated the most. Lastly, make sincere dua that Allah SWT blesses you with someone who will love, respect and be a good role model for you and this is the best outcome inshaAllah. Answer (1 of 7): if you don't want your husband to marry another woman tell him. And whoever disobeys Allah and His Messenger has certainly strayed into clear error. but maybe you need to coax the poor little guy back into life, remember that little number he used to drive you crazy about all those years ago. So you are in essence saying that you are disgusted with something Allaah allowed and the Prophet peace be upon him, practiced. May Allah forgive you, Salam, Im living the same exact situation. We do not live in fairy tales, our husbands are not prince charming, their real men with real needs, desires, and yes even emotions just like us. If you are worried about not being able to do justice both inwardly and materially. Quran is the only religious scripture in the world that says marry only one Quran is the only religious book, on the face of this earth, that contains the phrase marry only one. what is his greatest dream, namely the destruction of a stable, believing However a few smart people before accepting, said they would prefer their sisters to remain virgins. since its Allahs will and polygamy is halal. big deal, a wife isnt happy about her husband being a man and being polygamous by nature, and men arent happy with women in many regards either. Please make duaa for me and help me in this very diffcult situation as I dont want to cause any pain to my husband and my family. In Islam, this is allowed in the second marriage. yeah sure , hell like that. then how can he accept to destroy the home of his Muslim brother and split Soon all went to waste and we started losing everything one by one. Were not perfect. All I needed in these dark days was a hand reaching out to me and embracing me, giving me hope and the will to carry on. I cannot say Im a Muslim but I will not give charity (zakat) Its not pick and choose. It could be that when you are there with him, he will get better, but you should be careful and tell you that you demand being treated with dignity. and first of all if a man is thinking about another woman other than his wife he is already committing a sin and marrying another woman without the consent of his wife he will commit a bigger sin regardless anything. reward for being patient in the face of a trial, as Allaah says I dont understand when good women devote themselves to their husbands and yet men want 2nd, 3rd, and 4th wives in some cases? Likewise, if he satisfies it lawfully, he is rewarded. However, this is not the only opinion or interpretation of how to do this. As in one of the hadith below is one of the stories how the Prophet SAW fair to his wives. NOT so men can be pigsthis aspect of Islam has been changed into something disgusting and is something that makes our religion look bad. I again put this in my nikkah. Although I did very much appreciate zuhrAs story. Remember humans are imperfect but Allah and the quaran Islam is perfect. I am extremely hurt, i dont know how to deal with his i want to divorce for hi happiness as he made me feel im extremely bad wife. Chapter 4, Verse 34. You may want to read aboutSincere Islamic Ways to Treat Your Wife. But if a Muslim prays istikhaarah with regard to His excuse that he needed someone to look after his parents is interesting, to say the least. Salaam to all Muslim brothers and sisters who are reading this article and its forum. Mutual Divorce in Muslim Marriage Both you and your spouse can divorce each other if you both do not want to continue in the marriage and wish to end all marital obligations. and one who does an atom weight of good will see it. 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